And what's more, it appeared to my younger self that everyone was managing just fine. But much later, when I was able to be more honest with myself, I began to realize the depth of my own suffering that I had shutout, as well as the suffering of many others, in the name of outward appearances and materialism.
I begin to realize that this was a product of being conditioned, to fix my attention outward and give other’s experiences precedence over my own, internal world. I had lots of help constructing my perception and hierarchy of order in the world from my familial and cultural conditioning, which devalued the subtle, yet powerful world of energy and emotion stored inside in my body, mind, and heart.
I thought this was “just the way it was,” and that I would just have to “deal with it.”
As a young person, I experienced many circumstances that caused me to search and create viable ways to produce emotional balance—a life boat—for myself in the face of growing up with a chaotic family. I wasn’t able to discuss the experiences I went through—there was no space—in my family or outside of it. Many of the things I faced were and are still considered taboo, and thus not to be discussed in public. The silence was the hardest part. I was molested when I was five years old by a family member. I was repeatedly raped by a neighbor when I was 14 years old. I was raised caretaking my older, mentally ill sister who was eventually diagnosed as “bipolar” when she was in her mid-teens. Nobody was available to help me navigate the waters of been physically violated and living in an unpredictable world of mental illness. It simply wasn’t discussed.
These experiences sent a loud message that appearance was more important than my real, authentic experience. I learned how to hide and remember feeling a great sense of guilt and shame about my “secret” self or identity. Behind my smile and positive attitude, no one saw the deep pain, woundedness and hurt that was below it all. I didn’t want to burden others—it was my way of protecting people from the hurt I suffered. Sadly, it took me years to realize I had done nothing wrong. Through meditation, hypnotherapy, and yoga, I was able to bring myself out of the woods of dysfunction of sexual trauma, low self-esteem, anxiety, guilt and shame.
It has taken a lifetime for me to authorize myself to be honest about the emotional struggles and pain I was faced with as a child and adolescence. I had to create a healthy space for my mind and heart with little or no discussion or guidance. I don’t think children should have to face these types of issues alone, but they do. That’s what adults are for—but sadly, many adults don’t have the social or emotional skills themselves. Perhaps the most unfortunate part of my story is that I’m not alone.
When you look at the estimated number of people in the United States taking prescription medication and number of people suffering from sexual or domestic abuse, I see what can be considered a mental health crisis that very few people are willing to talk about with any hope for a better future. The circumstances of my life caused me to create a Mind Heart Space for myself—a safe place where I can now support others in cultivating an inner sanctuary where they can learn to identify the inner well of strength, intuition, and wisdom that is always available—and not have to do it alone.
The remanents of these types of conditons remain in the body and brain, even after the details of problem have disappeared. While our bodies are naturally designed to process sensory information and emotions energetically, events outside of our control, trauma, and inherited belief systems and hijack our nervous system unbeknownest to us. Self-awareness practices can help individuals develop the internal resources to face the aftermath and come out the other side healthy and victorious. What if you could tap into a vastness, a sense of inner limitlessness, just like that of the ocean—a body of water that goes on forever?
That is just what I did, through my extensive training, becoming a certified Quantum Life coach, certified hypnotherapist, Yoga Teacher, Mindfulness Educator, and intuitive healer. Ultimately, I've been able to return to innate extrasensory aspects of my humanity, which were uninitiated, invalidated, and dismissed until I began to create a new option for myself through meditation, yoga, and training my clairvoyance as intuitive empath.
Along the way, I've discovered that many empaths, sensitives, creators, lightworkers, artists, healers and innovative coaches, have been operating in a world that fails to recognize the incredible value of the internal resources of intelligence and gifts stored within in which they draw. Leaving many of these ‘types’ disempowered in a world that have had to disconnect from the internal resources in order to fit into the existing structures, and just survive.
But it is time to imagine and create a kind of world where the importance of the health and wholeness of each individual serves as the foundation of our communities and world. It starts with each one of us.
What kind of world can we create where each person gives themselves permission to wield their own power consciously and on purpose? To connect to his or her own heart? To give up dysfunctional ways of creating through crisis, problems, and accidents, and create intentionally and for the good of all.