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The plot unfolds. I’ve heeded the call and I’ve stepped out on my next adventure. Tonight, I begin the first part of my next journey, waiting to board the plane to Mumbai. It’s not enough to just talk or think about adventures, a “Chosen One” must actually take one! Of course, there are many types of adventures, and one must not travel to far out reaches to be on an adventure—this is just my story.
In “Part I” that I shared with you last week, I invited you to take a moment to sit down and write a page about what you truly desire for the New Year—I mean, seriously what you desire. NOT what you think you should desire, or what other people will approve of, but what your heart truly longs for with no excuses or explanation.
After you take a minute to read Part II, I am inviting you to sit down and write another page on the ways you try to hide from what you truly desire? How do you block or stop your good? How do you limit or undermine yourself in regard to how much you can receive? How do you place conditions on your desires? Now that you’ve taken some time to honestly discover what you want, take some time today to examine the ways you may resist or limit your good.
Part II
Sadness and fear don’t have any real substance….as you see behind their shadow and how they hide the precious life you are. You look more carefully now, and you see, sadness and fear are no longer merely how they appear on the surface. You’ve stayed away from it until now, because you’ve been afraid of what was there. But now you have the courage and the willingness to roll up your sleeves, and say yes, my Beloved, I am worth the work, the sweat, and the tears. And then, in the thick of it, a joyful smile and laughter erupts on your lips, as you find a most pleasant surprise as you discover the most precious truth about you has been covered up by the muck of…the sadness, fear, and depression you tried to ignore…all this time! It’s all the life you were unwilling to live, to feel, to experience, because you thought it unpleasant, uncomfortable, or scary.
And now… you can’t believe your eyes as you see it has been covering up all the times you believed in fear…instead of love--all the times you pushed your life force down, judged it, cursed it, or believed other people's denigration of it, when they were just reflecting your own belief to keep it in place for you. Thank them for showing you, and release them quietly. We start the addiction to get us high…to cover over the bad feelings we have. Until, the addiction doesn’t get us high anymore and we can’t tell which is more painful--the original thing we were trying to avoid, or the addiction we’ve used to hide it. The pain is our perceived separation from Presence and Truth of our own beauty.
Whew!! YOU are finally able to fully feel your sadness now for the first time since you can remember, and you laugh and YOU cry because YOU, and IT are so precious! YOU revel in your own humanity, as it shimmers like the most precious gold. All of YOU is so very precious, and YOU had forgotten, so YOU laugh and cry some more. And YOU let this realization wash over you…because YOU had forgotten for so long…what a beautiful and loving person YOU are…and then YOU dance. YOU drink it in. YOU laugh and you cry because you’ve been so mean, unloving to your splendid self. And YOU laugh and you cry because YOU don’t know why you did this and why YOU did it for so long. YOU laugh and you cry because you understand that YOU did it because it was the only thing you knew how to do. And YOU laugh and YOU cry because of your regret mis-taking yourself for so long. It’s always been YOU! YOU believed you had to play by others rules!
And you laugh and you cry because you forgive yourself at the same time. And you laugh and you cry some more because you see what a beautiful, wonderful story line, along with the great characters, you created to protect yourself from what you thought you couldn’t handle knowing about yourself. And realize, you’ve been pretending you aren’t the hero of your own life! You laugh and you cry because you see how much you love and how much you are loved by yourself. You were protecting yourself—protecting yourself from life. That was what you were taught to do…so you laugh and you cry for the people who taught you how to protect you from yourself. You laugh and you cry because you see many of the people around you are doing the same thing. You laugh and you cry because they are still doing it and they have no freedom. They don’t even know it’s there…
And you laugh and cry because you know you can’t tell them…they have to figure it out by themselves…but you wish you could…because the truth brings you so much joy, so much relief from the experience of separation from life and love and the God of your own heart. And you laugh and cry because you realize that nobody can do anything to you that you haven’t already done to yourself. And you laugh and you cry until you can’t anymore…and you feel like you have been broken wide open and you are a raw bundle of nerves because you’ve never been this close to life before…you’ve always held it away…and it is hard because you feel naked and vulnerable and you fall in love with everything and everyone…and sometimes you feel silly for being so in love. But you can’t help it…but there must be something you can do this to control this, right? It is just too much…some days you just can’t stand the beauty of life and having no one to really share it with and then you laugh and you cry again because you know you are never alone and there is no separation and life is just waiting for you to open to it again, and again, and again.