Origin Stories, or Lies at the Root: Part II

Greetings My Friends,

Here is Episode 3 of my brand, new Mindheart-Space Podcast with the written version below:

Episode 3: Origin Stories, or Lies at the Root—Part II:

“Past and future are two aspects of the same coin. The name of the coin is mind. When the whole coin is dropped, that dropping is innocence. Then you don’t know who you are, then you don’t know what is; there is no knowledge. But you are, existence is, and the meeting of these two is-nesses—the small is-ness of you, meeting with the infinite is-ness of existence—that meeting, that merger, is the experience of beauty. Innocence is the door; through innocence you enter into beauty. The more innocent you become; the more existence becomes beautiful."

~ Osho

This last February, during my stay in Guatemala, I participated in a sound healing residency, when the truth finally dawned on me--there had been two parts this whole time—one story split at the root--one built on top of the other! Part of the residency included a daily Kundalini yoga practice with my instructor Bachan. One day I found myself feeling confused about some of the theory she was teaching us. It appeared to be in conflict with the Hatha yoga in which I been trained and certified. After class, I spoke with Bachan, sharing my concerns. She reminded me that every tradition or school of yoga, while having variation in how it is transmitted, has the same source of knowledge—personal experience.

She asked me to close my eyes, which I did. She instructed me to imagine myself as a brand, new baby, just arriving on the planet. She then asked me what I first noticed about my baby self. The answer arose immediately; “innocence,” I replied as I opened my eyes smiling. I went on: “I noticed that I was pure innocence and that my presence allowed all those around me to experience their own innocence.” Bachan smiled back, and replied, ‘“this knowledge,” can’t be found outside of you, or in any book, and yet you know it is true, because it is who you are.” Of course, I thought to myself--this is who I am… before I was reduced to the physical world of objects as a body, or the mental world of thought as a mind. I am pure, un-containable presence, and innocence is my very nature.

And so just the other day, as I laid in my bed—drifting between waking and sleep--shifting through the pit of the falsities that had been layered over my authentic origin story, their repercussions slowly rose up like a heavy anchor being hoisted from the depths of the sea. And the level of damage that these stories have caused in my life astounded me profoundly, as layer after layer of mis-identification came up, as my inner essence, frightened out of this world this whole time—she had not willing to compromise her integrity. She had not been willing to do, what the outside world had instructed her to do. So, she did what any self-respecting young, lady would do. She cast herself out of her own garden, which was code for the realm of unified consciousness.

But this was my own doing, as part of me begin to doubt her, I let fear creep in, placing my trust in the world of appearances or knowledge, instead of her innocence. Of course, I had a lot of help from the prevailing reality around me, which I was just mirroring back, to belong, to be one with those in separation. And then, as each outside limitation was presented, her very essence became that much more “unknowable,” to me each day. Her nature in the Ultimate Reality, appear to be outside of myself, and this is what I learned to call God. But by that time, her existence, or my experience of her, had faded from my conscious mind, and I became a victim of life, living in a world of hapless circumstance, where I learned, my only hope was to pray to a power outside myself to guide me on my way. This way, I had become a stranger to myself.

But just the other day, as the light of my awareness shown on this matter, the truth could not help but rise to the top. And this broke the strangle hold, the lies at the root, the belief that I would have to betray myself in order to be loved—not just once, but repeatedly, believing that who I was, and love itself, were somehow in opposition. I had spent my entire life being torn from myself over and over again, feeling helpless and out of control. And this might sound familiar to some of you on one level or another.

Yet at the same time, there has always been another part of me—my highest self, that has been spending my life, breaking these patterns with my mere presence. This is the part that has held the energetic imprint that has been leading me through this battleground this whole time—the guiding light, the original root of the human pattern—we are all One. I suspect this is why I can piss off a whole lot of people by just walking into a room, although I can’t be entirely sure about this. And while, I am kind of joking here, as an empath, I do know that my presence has the power to intuit and touch those false origin stories in others, and this is quite triggering for some,

Until just the other day, when I asked to be fully forgiven, accepted, and loved, by that aspect of myself that I had once rejected—that part I believed to be outside of me, and I expanded myself to include her, to reunite, to create union where there had been separation. And not surprisingly, in this field of consciousness, a third party arrived, a “Host,” if you will. The Divine protector, that Divine masculine father appeared to welcome me back home and to facilitate this reconciliation. As an aspect of my awareness, my Inner Child—that Divine spark of creation, was now inviting me back in, and this would shift my entire story, my relationship to the past, present, and future. I no longer had to be on high alert, carrying a hyper-vigilance that had run havoc on my body, mind and spirit, one that had shaped a form I had mistaken for my Self, one that had kept me imprisoned from myself. For now, I had been truly transfigured.

And this is where my fate turned into my destiny. Fate is when a person experiences life unconsciously, and destiny is a life created out of conscious choice. Fate is experienced through the roles of victim and perpetrator, while destiny is a space that transforms our perceived wounds and weakness into our power. Destiny is supernatural; it is mythological and timeless. And as you can probably tell, I chose destiny, instead of fate.

This is when I used all that had torn me apart as child, to realize myself in all my grandeur, returning to the Garden of my consciousness. This is when my childhood nightmares became my Boot-camp of Awareness. This is when, I transformed my limited self into a limitless Self. This is when all I that had been mistaking myself was released back into illusion in which it came from. This is when I chose to love, to save myself, and become my own superhero.

My origin story was rebuilt, or more aptly, re-membered as the creation story it was “originally” meant to be. My origin story only told about me through the material lens of my humanity, while my creation story tells about me through the spiritual aspect of my Being and Being itself. The realization, that I am not only a body, although I inhabit one, it is not the basis of what is ultimately Real about me. Consciousness is; my awareness is; this timeless, mythological part of me is. This is my origin and my creation story—resting side by side—no longer split at the root. I was born from both matter and spirit!

And my friends, the real kicker is that, we ALL are, and we all deserve a creation story. And so, my friends, if you haven’t already, start digging for yours—it’s your buried treasure! So that, one by one, we may we all remember a future worth creating.