Hello All--Here is the link to my weekly podcast, along with the written version below:
As you know, it is Father’s Day
And this day brings up a lot of mixed emotion in me— with the passing of my father some years ago now. And while I remember his fondness his persistent positivity, his unbelievable hospitality, and limitless resilience in the face of loss, there were some not so good parts in our relationship.
First of all, I want you to know that I love my Dad, and always will, but things were complicated.
When we’re little, our parents seem like Gods in that they are the mirrors that shape our relationship to ourselves and the world. They help us decide if the world is safe or dangerous, receptive or forgiving, if we belong or if we're an outsider.
Of course, all of my father’s impressions of the world were based on his experience of it—as a young, fatherless boy, he was passed from relative to relative as his single mother, who had a 6th grade education worked picking crops in the fields of California. As a child, attending 8 different grammar schools, he was a child of the Great Depression and wore many psychological traumas and wounds around poverty, race, and domestic instability. All these conditions shaped his mindset, and his sense of self. They made him fearful as well as, although remarkably, thick skinned and perseverant. All of his experiences shaped my life as well:
His fierce over-protection became restriction and isolation
His unhealed heartbreak became limitation and what he believed was possible for himself and others.
His emotional distance, which kept his most delicate trauma buried, became his inability listen or be with other’s self-expression—I learned to tone myself down, not to upset his idea of my fragility and neediness.
His sense of rejection, became his inability to support me and my vision of the world — mostly because, it seemed too dangerous.
His knowledge of what the world became that I could not feel safe or protected in the world.
And all this, hurt my spirit because it reflected his hurt spirit. It affected my ability to be in the world. And the condition of his spirit was left unattended to until the day he died.
It is my saving grace, to know that he is finally able to love and accept himself. It breaks my heart that he was not able to really know all of this while he was still living. But he knows now.
And so, all of this is bringing up a lot of sadness, grief, and a sense of loss for me today — for his life, for his inability to fully know his daughter and his other children, for his needless, silent suffering. It is my belief that healing happens when you are ready; it just depends on if you want to do it while your still living, or wait until you're gone.
Don’t get me wrong, he went to work every day for years—leaving in the dark and returning when it was dark—in order to provide for his family. But he was never able to fully connect with the depth of his own spirit. He had no model for it. But in the world that he inhabited, there was no space for thick skinned men to express their grief, heartbreak, or loss—even his version of God was not big enough to hold it for him.
It is my hope that fathers around the world know just how important their emotional and mental health is — that it is key to raising thriving children, and that attending to unhealthy models of masculinity they may have inherited plays a key role in the health and wellness of the next generation. Just the fact, that there are so many un-fathered children, children being raised without their fathers reveals a deep disconnection with what masculinity means in our society.
We need a healthier model of masculinity for our fathers, brothers, and sons!
We need healthy, whole fathers!
We all have a masculine and feminine side to us. And no matter what your relationship is or was like with your father, whether he is living or passed on, it's never too late to reconnect to the healthiest qualities of masculinity expressing through each and everyone of us. What it means to love, protect, and to care--not just for others around us, but for ourselves. And then, we can make ourselves available in a way that is healthy for us, as well as for all those around us.
And until we fully realize the fathering principle of creation, and that there is only ONE Self in all, we will not able to evolve into our highest potential or expression. We will continue to surf on the surface of the mind and body (heart), but have no real access to our INNER BEING, a terrain where we can traverse the recesses of the MIND--and reclaim our true father!
Here is the link to the Father's Day Prayer by Keith Allen Kay
Hi, my name is Adrienne Lopez, and I am the Integrative Awareness Coach (MA, CHT, and RYT) --combining ancient, eastern systems of knowledge-meditation and yoga, with modern day approaches to understanding self-development, human consciousness, and Self-realization. Traveling around the world on my own self-healing journey, I pull from a diverse repertoire of tools including the traditional practices Advaita Vedanta, Vipassana meditation, and yoga—considered as the original sciences of consciousness—as well as the modern-day sciences of neurobiology, quantum physics, and energy medicine. In this way, I developed a specific approach to Quantum Life Coaching (IAC) that is informed by my own personal healing process, and is shaped by both an esoteric and scientific lens. I currently reside here on planet Earth!
If you are interested in working with me or would like more information about my rates and services, please reach out through through my webs