Updated: May 27, 2020
Greetings My Friends,
Here is Episode 2 of my brand, new Mindheart-Space Podcast and written version below:
Episode 2: Origin Stories: or The Lies at the Root—Part I
Origin Stories have always fascinated me because they contain the secret architecture of our individual, and collective, relationship to Being. These stories reveal the “stage” of our existence, including our relationship to consciousness, power and creation out in the “world. These stories also reflect our strengths and limitations, how we limit ourselves, and our own gifts, which we sometimes fail to recognize. But if you look carefully, along the fault line of your own origin story, I believe you will see that parts of your nature have been disowned, displaced from the “idea” that you hold of yourself, and then, these unknown parts, become labeled as external powers, separated from you—most commonly known as God or the Devil. This is never more evident than in religion, myths, and legends, that were created to give us a remembrance of our real origins, a taste of where we come from, and how we’ve been split at the root.
In this way, my personal origin story, is an echo of all other origin stories…a tearing apart, and a rebuilding. In order to do this, I’ve had to visit different aspects of my “self,” traveling to the past chronologically, but actually, to places where younger versions of myself still reside, frozen in time.
So as it went, one morning, in my bed, resting in that twilight space, between waking and sleeping, I caught a glimpse of my origins. I know this might sound like a strange thing to say, but it’s true nonetheless. I began to make out a faint, wispy image floating on the out skirt of my consciousness. I am sure it would be difficult to access normally—but the conditions were ripe as my defenses had been softened by sleep. Plus, if I’m really honest with you, most of my lived experience has unfolded in realms just like this. I didn’t actually understand this about myself until I had become older, but I live in what I’ve now termed, “in between” worlds, an alternate terrain I’m sure not everyone travels. But you listener, will have to let me know.
But back to the floating image that had made itself known me. It seemed to represent a particular aspect of my consciousness, that had been, I knew, intentionally hidden, exiled from my awareness at some time in the past. It was hiding, and this I recognized as a work of a child. My inner child, to be more precise, had put this part of my consciousness in a remote territory on purpose, because, as I immediately understood, it had needed protection—from the world, and apparently, also from me. This facet of my own consciousness had been pushed so far away, it had easily gone unnoticed for all these years. It’s so ironic, and yet poetically just, when I think about it now, that a child would have been put in charge of something so precious. It had to be put in a place, where it would remain intact, a place where the outside world could not tarnish its Truth.
You see, I came here to this planet, to be a pattern breaker. I know this is quite a claim, but that’s what stories are—packets of patterned information, and part of me—was born “woke” as they say, always knowing more than I even knew I knew, if you will. And I came crashing into the density of Earth, to discover a whole barrage of programs, stories, a particular type of script based on separation, were already being enacted by my family and the collective cultural around me upon my arrival.
It would only be a matter of time before I eventually got sucked in, mystified and beat up by the stagnation of the walls (limitations)--not my own, but taken on as such, just the same.
Unbeknownst to me, this was my fate, I didn’t know it at the time, but this what some call karma, I was caught up in, that I delved into, so that I might rise like the phoenix out of ashes of these material conditions.
And just recently, I discovered, that this rise, would require delving into the lies at the root of my origin—the stories I told myself and embodied, in order to survive the programs, the ones that weren’t actually true, so never felt quite right. I mean they were true on the level of awareness that believes itself limited or separate—the ego, but not on the level of awareness that knows its REAL nature—as higher self. For example, one story I inherited was, in order to be loved I couldn’t be who I was or say what I felt, or what I saw. The truth is, we are nothing but love, I am nothing but love, but I bought in, and begin living into it, and then, quickly found evidence to support it.
These programs or stories are embedded in the matter around us, in our bodies, in our environment, our facial expressions, and even our tone of voice. In this way, the energy is the medium in which they are communicated unconsciously, and transmitted silently inter-generationally—so that belief becomes flesh, through mimicry and repetition. We are all born into a physical world, where thought shapes the physical, just as the experiences in my physical environment caused “real,” biological and physiological reactions in my mind and body.
The effects of being molested as a child, or watching my sister being arrested and the subsequent years of visiting every mental hospital in southern California, to being raped as an adolescent, and then having to be silent about it, to having to parenting myself, ALL were very real.
These events caused my nervous system to be bathed in stress hormones for extended periods of time. This is living with trauma. In my home, crisis became the norm, and parts of me, were stuck in a sort of eternal childhood fight, flight, or freeze, like a deer in headlights of disassociation. And no one in my family, sadly, had the consciousness to notice, because they were all too busy trying to silently manage their own inner war.
And unfortunately, I am not the exception—countless children of grown up in homes with similar difficulties, and now as adults, these individuals, struggling with the physical and psychological fallout, often fail to recognize the source of their struggle. But the effects and how they are dealt with is the real crux of this tale. And so, this is why I’m taking the time to share with you how our origin stories are already written when we show up. What becomes our responsibility, and the best part of this all on our road to healing—is that we get revise these inherited stories, if we choose to, and turn them into what I call our “creation” story. Tune in next week to hear mine!
Adrienne is an Integrative Awareness Coach (IAC), MA, CHT, and RYT--combining ancient,